Ten Things that an LHC manager doesn't want to hear

1. “Can you smell burning?”
   
   
2. “There's a guy here from Health and Safety, says he wants to talk about mini black holes and strangelets.”
   
   
3. “Well, you see, the problem is, what you have here is a perfect environment for rats ...”
   
   
4. “That's not the budget, that's the electricity bill.”
   
   
5. “So, as far as the site's environmental footprint is concerned, how much work did it take to make this place carbon-neutral?”
   
   
6. “I'm sorry, I'm here to represent the contractor, and the specifications definitely said un-insulated copper wire.”
   
   
7. “Quick, come see, someone's using the main magnets to levitate and crush a beer can!”
   
   
8. “So the installation is now finally finished! Dave, the champagne if you please? Er, Dave, mind where you point that bottle. You know, the cork ... You don't want the cork going ... (pop) ... Nooooo!”
   
   
9. “Wow, this technology is incredible! This has to be one of the greatest achievements of the human race! So, roughly how much power do you reckon this thing is going to generate when it finally comes online?
   
   
10. Hey, what happened to the Sun?